I was doing fantastic

and could feel it.... walking a ton, yoga, eating less processed foods (i don't fast food it, but definitely do too many canned soups, etc) and I was creeping down. The main thing is that I cut out etoh to one day a week. WEll, this last weekend my one day made me gain all the weight I had lost. IN ONE DAY I can't hardly believe it. I got back on track and weighed in a little lighter, but I am definitely not a contender.

Finally bought batteries

But I am in a different place than I was on Friday... when I had been fit and doing well. I kind of took a weird turn this weekend. Eating skittles and chocolate and even cheetos. My brain has been on overdrive the last couple of weeks. There have been parts that have been good, but I can't lie that the lows I have had have been intense. I didn't ask for this rollercoaster, or the rollercoaster of my life, and sometimes I get so tired. I feel like the battle with loving my body has been the only thing in my life that has never left me. That and my 13 year old cat at this point. i know this is TMI, but i just feel pissed. I am so angry that it is a constant struggle in mine and the lives of so many women.... hmmm I feel a love letter to myself needing to be written...

Battery died on my scale

Im not kidding... I have the dead ones in my wallet to replace them, but I have no idea what the numbers say. I have been staying active... immediately after beginning running again my knee started acting up (its not all in my head) but I rested it and have been continuing to walk and yoga it up. I have been continuing to make more fresh dinners and alcohol hasn't been a dominant ingredient of my weekends. My cycle started, so I had a huge dip in my spirits. my walking buddy at work went to Norway, and my other walking buddy has been wanting to go at 7:30 in the morning (right when we get to work) and I can't justify that... I think that type of behavior is frowned upon and work has already been tough enough. I am excited to see what the scale finally says, but it will probably be more even... just got to keep plugging.

Some additional thoughts...

I was going to ask what you are craving? And does it really satisfy you? I have to echo annie with the myfitnesspal. I am not using it right now, but I guess it is two years ago when I took that serious step, I started using it. It really helped me to have a veggie packed salad with a tomato basil dressing at lunch. Where do you live? I am lucky that there is a STeve's pizza in Woodland, so when I started, and now when I need to get back on track, I head there for lunch. It used to be 3.23 for a togo salad and I would pack on so many veggies. The TB dressing has 20-30 calories and is tasty. I know that a salad of this caliber would cost 15 buckeroonies if it were weighed at a 7.99 a pound place. But actually it probably wouldn't because I am not choosing the heavier toppings, but I digress. I too drink the Visalus in the morning. I find it is more affordable and healthier than picking up a bagel, or a scone, which is what i always did with my morning routine. I was a creature of habit... I would get a coffee and a rice crispy treat every morning. Ugh, can't even think about it now. But if I have a shake (I don't get fancy with it, I just mix it with apple/grape 100% juice blend) and I think it starts my day off good. Maybe I am kidding myself and it is just another habitual food option, but I it works for me. I buy them on Amazon, because I couldn't handle the shipping costs through Visalus. If you don't mind, I have shared so much that I am going to copy and paste this to a blog myself, so everyone can read it. Haha, I thought it this was a longer post. I must have been thinking a mile a minute

Today I say thank you

So, I have to say, that having you all as a support has really helped me. I shifted gears and have been more active. Actually, a lot more active. I am resting today because my knee is bothering me, but I am not going to give into the fear of injury. I am eating less processed foods right now (thank you Annie and your awesome trader joes run). and a big THANK YOU to Gaby and Annie for our amazing hike in Saturday. I felt alive!!!! We did such an amazing job. And I have run... let me count... one, two, three times, been going to both vinyasa and vin yoga and walking on my breaks. I can't weigh myself because the battery on my scale went out, but I can feel it. Literally. When I run my hands up my side (especially laying down, haha) I can feel it. We are all so strong. A big THANK YOU!!!

Well, I don't really know what to say. I am heavier than I have been in months and I am not basically not trying at all with this competition. It is definitely going to be hard to catch up. I am glad to read and support others, but I need to get in the game. It just isn't fair sometimes that I have to exercise sooooo much just to keep from gaining on a regular basis. The idea of eating even less and working out even more is, ugh! I am fearful of injury so I don't want to run or do something high impact, but I think I am going to have to.

Cant stop the tears

Some days just hurt. Some days being strong just doesn't feel like an option. Working for people, giving everything i have inside to touch them and ease their suffering is a beautiful job..... but hurts so darn hard sometimes. But I know when I feel like I am crumbling, there is usually a hand lifting me up to remind me that i can make it through this. Yoga saves my life every day. I just haven't been going this week. Why is it we turn from the very thing we need the most when times get tough. Like God, or religion, or friends. I am not sure how Mondays weigh in will go down. I am going to be as active as I can because I can't stop crying right now. They aren't all sad tears... some are just tears that reflect our world. I feel it deep.